Thursday, May 21, 2009

Pregnancy Recap and Looking Forward

We are expecting another blessing to come to us soon. Her name is Helaina. While she is forming snug in my womb my body is going through so many changes. Being a parent is such a blessing even in the hard times. Hard times for me have hit. Everyone goes through hard times. I've hit one. While a miracle is happening inside me, my body isn't adjusting well to it. While I love an infant, I don't favor pregnancy. I know some will gasp at that thought but honestly it's not something I handle well. Not every woman loves being pregnant. I was happy to see a book in Borders called Pregnancy Sucks. I picked it up to see just what the author had to say. I ended up buying the book. She has a funny way of writing that I appreciated. It's real pregnancy feelings and I was glad someone else understood it. I don't seem to be blessed with perfect pregnancies. My pregnancy with twins left me on bed rest. I was swollen so much that you could leave finger prints in my legs. I was put on strict bed rest for a month. Bed rest was no fun. You'd think it is one of the easiest things to do but no it's not. There is only so much laying around a person can do. I watched TV, read magazines, played music to them, and just tried to find the best way to pass the time. I finally went in for my doctor's appointment at 36 weeks and they decided to induce me that day. I was so excited and happy. I was going to have my babies and my body back! It was hard to have two children moving around inside of me. Sharp limbs moving across my belly wasn't the best feeling for me. When they were smaller it was a joy but the larger they got the more discomfort I felt. I endured it all for a great gift. 9 months of unpleasant experiences is sort of ok compared to the gift of life that comes out of it. The girls were born and had no problems what so ever. The girls were born at 36 weeks weighing 5lbs, 5oz and 6lbs. Could you imagine if I went longer? I went from being a small 5'0 103lb to a huge180lbs! My labor wasn't horrible. I don't have a horror story to tell. In fact I was on the phone when I was being induced. My family and nurses were surprised a how calm I was through the contractions. I was induced at 4:30pm Friday till 12:00 am Saturday. They gave me a rest and started up the next day at 8:00 am. My first born came into this world at 3:48pm. Her sister came right after at 4:17 pm. They are 30 minutes apart. I was the happiest mommy. I do love having twins. It is amazing to watch them grow from an infant to the preteens they are now. Yes there are days I wonder if parenting is cut out for me. Yes there are days that I want to run and hide but over all, it is a blessing.

When the girls turned 1 years old my son was a little miracle forming within. This pregnancy was a bit different. I was planning to return to school and continue working towards me degree. I was unhappy and looking for some sort of peaceful outlet. I went through being afraid, angry and the discomforts of being pregnant again. I found out I was having a son this time. While I was happy, I was quite worried. I struggled through out the whole pregnancy worrying and dealing with the whole situation. I went back to school despite my emotions. I decided I was going to reach my goals no matter what happened. I felt pretty helpless about my life at that point but school was something that could give me a goal and hope. I was in a miserable marriage, I had two toddlers and we were barely able to pay bills. School was my outlet for years. I finally got my Bachelors degree in 2005. So back in 1999 I waddled to classes each week, learning and feeling a little better about myself. I felt I had a goal to achieve instead of just living a life I felt stuck in. My son was an active one in the womb. This sisters being a total of 11.5 lbs together, left him a lot of room to play! He would get the hiccups and it felt funny. I thought it was one of the cutest things. It's one of my favorite memories of being pregnant with him. He was born on a Thursday during finals. I had him and went back to school the next week for my final classes. My teacher was amazed that I had him and was back in class. I remember her reaction fondly, "Oh my gosh you had the baby!? What did you do have him between classes?" He was a day late and a little big. His labor wasn't as easy as the girls but it wasn't horrible either. I had a stand in doctor with a nasty bedside manner. My wonderful son came out weighing 8lbs 14oz! Again it was one of the best moments of my life. I love giving birth and seeing my baby. He was cuddly and cute. I was a mother of three! My daughters were very protective of their little brother. I was blessed with three children that had a close bond. There was no jealousy among them. They were my little blessings that provided a light in my dark world at that time. After I had my son, I said I would never have kids again. I was done. I was finished. I just couldn't bring another child into that situation. I had my tubes tied. The end.

Here, 9 years later I'm happily remarried to a remarkable man. Life is good. My husband and I decided we would have more children. I had a tubal reversal in August of 2008. We traveled to Georgia to have the surgery done at the Lakeshore Tubal Reversal Center. The center was amazing and helpful in every way the could be. I was excited about the possibility of having more children. I couldn't wait to give my husband news of me being pregnant. It was a great feeling. In November 2008 I got that chance. We were pregnant! I never would have thought that I would have been pregnant again. I will have 4 children soon. Wow! I was excited to tell him. As time went by the excitement was wearing. Nausea and discomfort took over. Here I go again... the pregnancy discomforts. This time is different. I have three children to care for. They are older and actually have been a great help. My husband is caring and nurturing. He is wonderful and I couldn't ask for more. Their excitement of anticipation helps me get through this. I'm not alone this time. I feel the comforts of family. The comforts of family provide me with the emotional support I need. The physical part of pregnancy is all on me. It's been the most challenging pregnancy physically. I'm older and my body just isn't handling it very well. I had migraines during the 2nd trimester that landed me in the hospital. I was afraid to the point of wanting to make out wills. It was such pain that I'd never wish on anyone. With prayer those headaches have stopped. The hospital chalked it up as me being dehydrated. They pumped me full of fluids via IV for a few hours and sent me home with a big bill. Soon after that I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I went to see a dietician and we tried to control it with diet. It was there I received my blood testing kit. I was told to test 5 times a day. I found myself doing the dreaded finger stick. My blood sugar levels were still high in the mornings. It signaled that it was hormonal and nothing dieting could do would fix it. I was prescribed insulin shots. Now it's insulin nightly right in the belly. Luckily the needle is tiny and very short. I've had one good day with insulin. The others haven't been so great. I can tell the difference in my energy levels now. It's amazing. The day I woke up and my levels were good I had energy. I want that back. I want to be my energetic self again. At this time I'm dragging and drained. I'm trying to think on the good things. There are so many good things in life right now to take my mind off of my health. I'm trying to not be so down about this diagnosis. The good thing is, it's temporary. After giving birth it all goes away. Yes statistic say I'll have a higher chance of it coming back but I'm not one to life off of statistics. I pray. Prayer works. I'll believe in prayer that it won't come back. I'm believing for my total and complete healing.

I sit here in my glider, 30 weeks and 4 days pregnant. That sets me at 7 1/2 months. Helaina is rolling around daily and while I experience the discomforts of pregnancy I rest knowing there is a great blessing coming soon. Life will never be the same.

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